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First of all, let me say how fucking annoying it is to have to type the year after the title so people will know what FRIDAY THE 13th I am talking about. That’s probably the worst thing about the endless parade of horror remakes – stupid people confusing them with the far superior originals. Like I said in my review of MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D, I am sick to death of the horror remakes that Hollywood keeps shitting out on a monthly basis. At this point, all I expect when sitting down to watch one these flicks is some decent kills and a few laughs. Did the Platinum Dunes remake of FRIDAY THE 13th work on that level? Yes and no.

First things first, this is a very loose remake of Friday The 13th parts I – IV. There are familiar moments and plot devices from all four of those flicks crammed into this remake. I would hope that anyone reading this review is already familiar with the first four F13 flicks, so I’m not going to bother getting in depth with a plot synopsis. The first couple minutes of this remake attempt to recreate the ending the original Friday The 13th. Momma Vorhees loses her head, and little mongoloid Jason watches it happen. Then we flash forward to “the present” and get to see Sackhead Jason from Friday The 13th Part II in action as he slaughters a group of idiots camping near Crystal Lake. Cue opening credits, and we then flash forward six weeks and meet yet another group of idiots that decide to go camping by that lake where everyone keeps disappearing.

That’s pretty much the entire movie in a nutshell. The other main plot point (taken from The Final Chapter) is a guy named Clay who shows up looking for his missing sister. He teams up with the token sympathetic female of the group and wonders around the woods looking for clues. Along the way we get to spend some quality time with the obnoxious and rich college kids and meet a few of the local yokels. There’s a whiny black dude who keeps accusing people of playing the race card (hilarious!) and a wisecracking comic relief Asian. The real co-star of the movie is marijuana, as seemingly every character in the movie is smoking weed or looking for it in the woods. I love pot as much as the next stadium full of people, but even I have to question the need to have not one but TWO scenes where a character smokes weed and then decides to masturbate! One of the beat off bumpkins is dispatched in a barn full of junk, which gives Jason the perfect opportunity to discover his trademark hockey mask.

The rest of the flick is hockey mask Jason snuffing people. Once the film settled in to this I started to enjoy it. I’m happy to report that this flick delivers the goods for F13 fans that wanted to see Jason in action as he decimates everyone that crosses his path. I was a little put off by the fact that some of the kill scenes are rather tame and a lot of them suffer from the always annoying “shaky cam” syndrome. Some of the kills are lame for those reasons, but there were also some nice gory kills that had a lot of impact. The water skiing set piece is really nicely done and I enjoyed seeing the comic relief Asian getting stabbed in the throat. The death scenes are really the only reason to see this, so I won’t spoil them any further.

Derek Mears is excellent as Jason. I’d rank him right up there with Kane Hodder and Ted White. He makes a very convincing silent psychopath. The always controversial Marcus Nispel directs and I think he did a solid job. His best decision as a director was once again getting Daniel Pearl to be his director of photography. The two of them previously teamed up for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, and once again they bring a decent amount of interesting camera work, nice looking photography, and a mounting sense of tension and dread. I was a bit put off by the beginning of he film, but by the end I was into it.

On the negative side of things, I have to say again that the use of shaky cam was really fucking annoying and made a lot of the action hard to watch. Add to that the fact that the night scenes are really dark looking and you have some unwatchable scenes on your hands. The choice of music in this flick was horrible, and one of the musical “punchlines” was lifted directly from “Boogie Nights.” The characters were all annoying as hell but the acting was decent so I’m not going to complain to much about that. I couldn’t wait to watch these kids die, and happily most of them did. I think a lot of people will be let down by the climax of the film. It starts with a death scene that is completely splatter free and ends with a patented post-Carrie shock epilogue that is ridiculously predictable. There really is nothing new or particularly exciting about this flick.

That said, I still enjoyed it. I thought it was easily the best F13 flick since Jason Takes Manhattan. This flick is a fucking masterpiece when compared to pieces of shit like Jason Goes To Hell and Jason X. I appreciated the fact that this flick was gimmick free (no Jason fighting a psychic or going to outer space) and played out like a straight up slasher flick. There’s no shortage of lame attempts at humor along the way, but when it’s time for the kills this flick plays it straight. It’s hard to say if the die hard F13 fanatics will like this or not. I think people who are already convinced that they will hate it because they hate remakes on principle alone or have been brainwashed by South Park to despise Michael Bay will definitely hate this flick. It’s not going to change their minds or win them over. On the other hand, people who really love Jason and just want to watch him killing a bunch of kids in the woods will probably have a good time.

Like all horror remakes, this will be a “love it or hate it” type of film for a lot of horror fans. I can’t honestly say that I loved it or hated it, but I thought it was pretty good. The best thing I can say about it is that it could have been a lot worse. At least there wasn’t a sassy female cyborg. I’m giving it the Brain Hammer seal of approval for that reason alone. Support slasher flicks and go see it.

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!

More:
The Brain Hammer Review of FRIDAY THE 13th (2009)